Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, ‘Why the spoon?’ ‘Well, ‘he explained, ‘the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.’
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. ‘I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.’ I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, ‘Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?’
‘Oh, certainly!’ Then he lowered his voice. ‘Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent.’
I asked ‘After you get it out, how do you put it back?’
‘Well,’ he whispered, ‘I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.’
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced
to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs 10/=. The villagers
seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the
forest and started catching them…
The man bought thousands at Rs 10/= and as supply started to
diminish, the villagers stopped their effort…
He further announced that he would now buy at Rs 20/=
This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching the monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and villagers started going
back to their farms…
The offer rate increased to Rs 25/= and the supply of monkeys became
so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it..!!!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs 50/=
However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his
assistant would now buy on his behalf…
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers,
"Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that my master has collected.
I will sell them to you at Rs 35/= and when the master returns
from the city, you can sell them to him at Rs 50/="
The villagers squeezed up their savings and bought all the monkeys…
After that they never saw the man nor his assistant….
Only MONKEYS everywhere…!!!
Welcome to the
"STOCK-MARKET"
cool dots
If your eyes follow the movement of the rotating pink dot, the dots will remain only one color, pink. However if you stare at the black ” +” in the centre, the moving dot turns to green. Now, concentrate on the black ” + ” in the centre of the picture. After a short period, all the pink dots will slowly disappear, and you will only see only a single green dot rotating.
It’s amazing how our brain works. There really is no green dot , and the pink ones really don’t disappear. This should be proof enough, we don’t always see what we think we see.
Effects Of Global Warming
Wine Drinkers
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and to those who don't.
As Ben Franklin said:
'In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.'
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we Drink one litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine, beer (or tequila, rum, Whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of sh*t.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
GEORGE CARLIN
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Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent…and so very appropriate.
A Message by George Carlin:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways
, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time who en you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete…
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don't send this to at least 8 people….Who cares?
George Carlin
These a__holes wouldn’t need luck if they stayed home!!!!!! Another good reason for birth control!!!
LuckyDayV.wmv LuckyDay.wmv LuckyDayII.wmv LuckyDayIII.wmv LuckyDayIV.wmv
To all my friends who in 2007 sent me best ‘wishes’, chain letters, ‘angel’ letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,
NONE OF THAT WORKED!
For 2008, could you please just send money, red wine, chocolate, or gasoline vouchers instead?
Thank you ;o)
To all my friends who in 2007 sent me best ‘wishes’, chain letters, ‘angel’ letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,
NONE OF THAT WORKED!
For 2008, could you please just send money, red wine
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