A BOTTLE OF WINE—     A TOUCHING STORY ALL WOMAN WILL ENJOY –     AND SOME MEN WILL TOO!!!       THE BOTTLE OF WINE    For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren’t married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:    Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.    As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.    With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.    Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.    ’What in bag?’ asked the old woman.    Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, ‘It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.’   The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.  Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:    ’Good trade…..’

 

 

 

 

 

In a zoo in California , a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs.. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother’s cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only orphans’ that could be found quickly were a litter of weanling pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork chops?

Take a look…you won’t believe your eyes!!

 

 

 

Now, please tell me one more time… Why can’t the rest of the world get along?

‘ Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain’

 

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How the Fight Started….      One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!” And that’s how the fight started… ************ My wife walked into the den & asked “Whats on the tv?”  I replied “Dust.”  And that’s how the fight started… ************ A woman stood nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,  ”I feel horrible:  I look old, fat, and ugly.  I really need you to pay me a compliment..”  The husband replied, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”  And that’s how the fight started… ************ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.”  I bought her a scale. And that’s how the fight started… ************ I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”  It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.  ”Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”  And that’s how the fight started… ************ My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and asked, “Do you want to have sex?”  ”No,” she said. I then asked, “Is that your final answer?”  She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.”  So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”  And that’s how the fight started… ************ I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light beer for $14.95.  Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.  I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.  And that’s how the fight started… ************ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”  He asked, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’  ”‘Nah, she can order for herself.”  And that’s how the fight started…

 

 

?            Catching Wild Pigs  A chemistry professor in a large college had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back, and stretching as if his back hurt.  The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country’s government and install a new communist government.  In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, ‘Do you know how to catch wild pigs?’  The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said this was no joke. ‘You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, who are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat, you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd.  Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.  The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening to  America  . The government keeps pushing us toward socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc.. While we continually lose our freedoms — just a little at a time.  One should always remember: There is no such thing as a free lunch! Also, a politician will never provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.  Also, if you see that all of this wonderful government ‘help’ is a problem confronting the future of democracy in  America , you might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life then you will probably delete this email, but God help you when the gate slams shut!  Keep your eyes on the newly elected politicians who are about to slam the gate on  America  .  “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have“ Thomas Jefferson

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Always, ALWAYS twirl once in the mirror before heading to work!

 

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