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Loading ...Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive like a bat out of hell…
Step 3. Watch people freak out!!!
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Top Ten Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After Brokeback Mountain
1. “I’m gonna pump you fulla lead!”
2. “Give me a stiff one, barkeep!”
3. “Don’t fret—I’ve been in tight spots before.”
4. “Howdy, pardner.”
5. You stay here while I sneak around from behind.”
6. Two words: “Saddle Sore.”
7. “Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like.”
8. “Let’s mount up!”
9. “Nice spread ya got there!”
10. “Ride’em cowboy!”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.â€
On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.â€
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn upside down.â€
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding — “Product will be hot after heating.â€
On packaging for a Rowenta iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.â€
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.â€
On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness..â€
On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.â€
On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.â€
On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.â€
On an American Airlines packet of nuts — “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.â€
On a child’s Superman costume — “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.â€
On a Swedish chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.â€
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack’s mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. “I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained. “I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.”
“Don’t worry,” Jack said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.” The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about 9 months ago?”
“Yes, I do.” said Bob.
“Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?”
“Well, um, yes,” Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. “I have to admit that I did.”
“And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?”
Bob’s face turned beet red and he said, “Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy.
I’m afraid I did…why do you ask?”
“She just died and left me everything.”
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn’t you?)
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