Funny Forward Archive
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: “Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”
“You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country… we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.”
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sex? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell “Mississippi’.”
Oh my god, this is just plain wrong…
 
Two gators were sitting at the side of the swamp near Washington, DC.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you kin be so much bigger n me. We’re the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.”
Well,” said the big gator, “What you been eatin boy?”
“Politicians, same as you,” replied the small gator.
“Hmm. Well, where you been catchin’ em?”
“Down to the side of the swamp near the parkin lot by the Capitol.”
“Same here. Hmm. How do you catch ‘em?”
“Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexus and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab ‘em on the leg, shake the shit out of ‘em, and eat ‘em!”
“Ah!” says the big alligator, “I think I see your problem. You ain’t gettin’ any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin’ the shit out of a Politician, there ain’t nothin’ left but an asshole and a briefcase.”
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he told her he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked him how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a postcard, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
“Honey”, she said, “you received a very strange post card today”.
“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later” he said.
The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.
On the card was written: Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti. Two with meatballs; one without.
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