The next time you hear a politician use the word “billion” in a casual manner, think about whether you want the “politicians” spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

1. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
2. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
3. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
4. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
5. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let’s take a look at New Orleans. It’s amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans.  Interesting number, what does it mean?

1. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.
2. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1,329,787.
3. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D.C. HELLO!!! … Are all your calculators broken??

This is too true to be very funny

Tax his land,
Tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirts,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his booze,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
Tax his tears.
Tax his bills,
Tax his gas,
Tax his notes,
Tax his cash.

Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers,
Tax him more,
Tax him until he’s good and sore.

Tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
“Taxes drove me to my doom!”

And when he’s gone,
We won’t relax,
We’ll still be after the inheritance TAX!!

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Sales Taxes,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Serv ice Fe e Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State and Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.

COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago. And there was prosperity, absolutely no national debt, the largest middle class in the world and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What the hell happened?????

From Freeple Joe in: Forwards on Fri, Sep 22nd, 2006 at 9:00pm
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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He’s rather taken aback, because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you Know me?”

To which she replies, “I think your the father of one of my kids.”

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt???”

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, “No, I’m your son’s math teacher.”

From Freeple Joe in: Forwards, Jokes on Fri, Sep 22nd, 2006 at 8:55pm
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As I walked down the busy sidewalk, knowing I was late for an important interview, my eyes fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds who are found in every city these days.

Wearing what can only be describes as rags, carrying every worldly possesion in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person’s condition.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling some long ago Sunday School admonition to “care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,” I was moved by some powerful, inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out, “Reach out, reach out!”

So I did……….

I get out of the hospital in about 3 months. It would be nice to get! a card or maybe a visitor.

 

From Freeple Joe in: Forwards, Jokes, Pictures on Fri, Sep 22nd, 2006 at 8:53pm
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1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving.  The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.
11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
13. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.
15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

And just look at silly me. I’ve only been drinking the stuff!!!

From Freeple Joe in: Jokes on Sun, Sep 17th, 2006 at 1:29pm
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Does anyone remember the New York blackout of 2003?

The images of New York have now been released:

From Freeple Joe in: Forwards, Pictures on Sun, Sep 17th, 2006 at 1:24pm
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