Funny Forward Archive
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there’s three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Mom, how many kinds of willies’ are there?”
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?”
“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.
Amy, a blonde Texan City girl, marries a Texas rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,Â “The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today.Â I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow’s stall in the barn.Â You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?”.Â So the rancher leaves for the fields.
After a while the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.Â Amy takes him down the barn.Â They walk along a long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him,Â “This is the one…..right here.”.
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks,Â “Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?”.
“That’s simple.Â By the nail over its stall,” Amy explains very confidently.
Then the man asks, “What’s the nail for?”.
She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on…..”.
Nothing funny about this one, just a cool picture I received in a forward.