I have a WHAT?
Funny Forward Archive
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Arkansas.
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
“I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
“It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as persons.”
“Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!”
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, “You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little smart-ass on your knee!”
Oh my god, these are some of the craziest photoshop jobs I’ve seen.Â Use the left/right arrow keys to see the differences of the model before and after being digitally edited.
Everyone concentrates on the problems we’re having in this country lately; illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, wild animals attacking humans in Florida .
Not me. I concentrate on solutions. The result is a win-win-win situation:
+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border
+ Use the dirt to raise the levies in New Orleans
+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
If you are not over 50, this is what you have to look forward to.
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first
03. No one expects you to run–anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, ” Did I wake you ???? ”
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
08. You can eat dinner at 4 pm
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.