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The forwards I’ve been getting lately have been starting to include soft core porn. I guess they’re all fighting to be the best email forward. I hope you don’t mind, I know I don’t 
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(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
Loading ...Alfred E. Newman!!! Growing up!!!
Click the picture to see Alfred age.
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(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5) Loading ...Two cowboys were out on the range talking about their favorite sexual positions.
The first one said, “I think I enjoy the rodeo position most.” “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that one,” said the other cowboy. “What is it?”
“Well, it’s where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, ‘Boy, these feel just like your sister’s.’
“Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds.”
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(5 votes, average: 4.6 out of 5) Loading ...How true, how true!
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(2 votes, average: 2 out of 5) Loading ...After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.. “Is this your husband?” he nervously asks.
“No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him.
“Your boyfriend, then?” he continues.
“No, not at all,” she says, nibbling away at his ear.
“Is it your dad or your brother?” he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
“No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!” she answers.
“Well, who in the hell is he, then?” he demands.
“That’s me before the surgery”
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(4 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5) Loading ...
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(3 votes, average: 2.33 out of 5) Loading ...A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico.
Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn’t know where to start with asking for help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.
Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.
The European community (except France) is sending food and money.
The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million Mexicans to replace the dead ones.
God bless America!!!
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(4 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5) Loading ...I don’t remember some of these ads from when I was young, especially the one about the Lysol douche!! Not to mention the tape worm diet!!!!!!!
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(2 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5) Loading ...A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”
Passenger: “Who?”
Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”
Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer, could remember everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.”
Passenger. “Wow, some guy then.”
Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”
Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. I just married his f–kin’ widow.”
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(2 votes, average: 2.5 out of 5) Loading ...A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous at the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say ” Eat me”.
12) The Virgin Mary is not called ” Mary with the Cherry”.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
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(3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5) Loading ...VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring.
LIBRA - The BEST One
Nice to everyone they meet, Unless they get bad vibes from the person they’re meeting. Their Love is one of a kind, but if done wrong, they cut you off like it’s nothing. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! however not the kind of person you wanna mess with …. u might end up crying…
ARIES - The Liar
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud.
AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.
GEMINI - Irresistible
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in the you know where… Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.
LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.
CANCER - The Cutie
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.
PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around.Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.
CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Gemini’s in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.
TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth!
SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying.
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(3 votes, average: 3.33 out of 5) Loading ...The winner of the “It’s Not My Job” Award for 2006 goes to…….
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(4 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5) Loading ...Jose and Carlos are panhandling at the freeway off ramp.
Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.
Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day.
Jose says, “Look at your sign essay.” It reads: “I have no work, a wife & 6 kids to support”
Carlos looks at Jose’s sign. It reads: “I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico”
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(6 votes, average: 2.83 out of 5) Loading ...The Double Outhouse!! Words fail me! This picture is worth 10,000 of them.
This pretty much says it all.
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(4 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5) Loading ...Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN’S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It’s Braille for “suck here”.
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It’s the same as a French kiss, but “down under.”
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES ORIGINALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they are wild and wet. However, when they go, they take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don’t have any balls to scratch.
Thought for the day:
What is a man’s ultimate embarrassment?
Answer: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose
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(11 votes, average: 4 out of 5) Loading ...Sometimes it is better to have a small one:
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(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5) Loading ...A Professor was giving a lecture on “Involuntary Muscular Contractions” to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,
“Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?”
She replied, “Probably deer hunting with his buddies.”
The professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class.
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(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5) Loading ... Share on Facebook
(2 votes, average: 3 out of 5) Loading ...This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky turned 31. Can you believe it?
It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth.
They grow up so fast, don’t they?
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(4 votes, average: 2.25 out of 5) Loading ...
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