Funny Forward Archive


SmallestAirport

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Posted by Freeple vangel in: Forwards, Pictures on Friday, Feb 29th, 2008 at 3:10pm GMT
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Animal Lovers

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Posted by Freeple Eccojoy in: Forwards, Pictures on Wednesday, Feb 20th, 2008 at 8:15pm GMT
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Crack Spackle

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Posted by Freeple Eccojoy in: Forwards, Videos on Wednesday, Feb 20th, 2008 at 8:15pm GMT
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Facts to Ponder

FACTS TO PONDER:

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is

700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are

120,000.

(C) Accidental deaths per physician is

0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept. of Health Human Services.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now think about this:

Guns:

(A) The number of gun owners in the U. S is 

80,000,000.

(Yes, that’s 80 million.)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is

1,500.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is

.000188

Statistics courtesy of FBI

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So, statistically, doctors are approximately

9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Remember, “Guns don’t kill people, doctors do.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,

BUT

ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.

We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention

Posted by Freeple Eccojoy in: Forwards, Jokes on Wednesday, Feb 20th, 2008 at 8:00pm GMT
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WHY?

Good question

 —– : WHY

The Silent Majority needs to be heard, “NOW”.

Pass it on !!!
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Posted by Freeple Eccojoy in: Forwards, Pictures on Wednesday, Feb 20th, 2008 at 8:00pm GMT
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I Started A Joke

This file is password protected for editing but when you get the option, open the file as “readonly”.

I_Started_A_Joke-C.pps

Posted by Freeple vangel in: Forwards, Pictures on Wednesday, Feb 20th, 2008 at 3:30pm GMT
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Interesting Signs!!!!!!


















Posted by Freeple Joe in: Forwards, Pictures on Monday, Feb 18th, 2008 at 8:15pm GMT
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PRICELESS!!

Who Says, Women Golfers, are at a disadvantage to men?     
            
Matching lavender outfit: $200
New pair of French sunglasses:  $100
NIKE products Endorsements: $10,000,000  

Having a “special  place” to hold your putter . . . PRICELESS!!!

Posted by Freeple Joe in: Forwards, Pictures on Monday, Feb 18th, 2008 at 8:15pm GMT
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Body Paint

There is a party in Key West every year where the people only wear body paint….


SOME OF THESE ARE TRULY INCREDIBLE!

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Posted by Freeple Joe in: Forwards, Pictures, Adult on Monday, Feb 18th, 2008 at 8:15pm GMT
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First Campaign Button of 2008

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Posted by Freeple Eccojoy in: Forwards, Pictures on Monday, Feb 18th, 2008 at 2:45pm GMT
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New Titanic

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Posted by Freeple vangel in: Forwards, Pictures on Sunday, Feb 17th, 2008 at 4:00am GMT
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A_vous

A_vous.pps

Posted by Freeple vangel in: Forwards, Pictures on Sunday, Feb 17th, 2008 at 2:30am GMT
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Miracle of Toilet Paper

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion:  “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and I stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

“How long will this take?” I ask.

“They will grow larger over a period of years,” he replies.

I stop. “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make them larger?”

Without missing a beat he says, “Worked for your butt, didn’t it?”

He’s still alive, and with a great deal of physical therapy, may even walk again someday……

Stupid, stupid man.

Posted by Freeple Eccojoy in: Forwards, Jokes on Saturday, Feb 16th, 2008 at 9:15pm GMT
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Doctors Visit

An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, Whereupon the doctor said, “You are in fine shape for your age, But tell me, do you still have intercourse?”

“Just a minute, I’ll have to ask My husband,” she said. She went out to the reception room And said: “Bob do we still have Intercourse?”

Bob answered impatiently, “If I told you once, I told you a thousand times…

We have Blue Cross!

Posted by Freeple Eccojoy in: Forwards, Jokes on Saturday, Feb 16th, 2008 at 7:15pm GMT
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Disgusting

How they vote in the United Nations:
Below are the actual voting records of various Arabic/Islamic States which are recorded in both the US State Department and United Nations records:

Kuwait votes against the United States 67% of the time
Qatar votes against the United States 67% of the time
Morocco votes against the United States 70% of the time
United Arab Emirates votes against the U. S. 70% of the time.
Jordan votes against the United States 71% of the time.
Tunisia votes against the United States 71% of the time.
Saudi Arabia votes against the United States 73% of the time.
Yemen votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Algeria votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Oman votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Sudan votes against the United States 75% of the time.
Pakistan votes against the United States 75% of the time.
Libya votes against the United States 76% of the time.
Egypt votes against the United States 79% of the time.
Lebanon votes against the United States 80% of the time.
India votes against the United States 81% of the time
Syria votes against the United States 84% of the time.
Mauritania votes against the United States 87% of the time.
U S Foreign Aid to those that hate us:
Egypt, for example, after voting 79% of the time against the United States, still receives $2 billion annually in US Foreign Aid.
Jordan votes 71% against the United States
And receives $192,814,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.
Pakistan votes 75% against the United States
Receives $6,721,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.
India votes 81% against the United States
Receives $143,699,000 annually.
Perhaps it is time to get out of the UN and give the tax savings back to the American workers who are having to skimp and sacrifice to pay the taxes (and gasoline).

Pass this along to every taxpaying citizen you know. And send to your congressman, who should be disgraced but couldn’t care less.
Disgusting, isn’t it?

Posted by Freeple Eccojoy in: Forwards, General on Saturday, Feb 16th, 2008 at 6:44pm GMT
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AN AD IN THE PAPER

The following ad was in The Atlanta Journal:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I’m yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an 8-week-old Labrador Retriever.

Posted by Freeple Eccojoy in: Forwards, Jokes on Saturday, Feb 16th, 2008 at 6:00pm GMT
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The Country of Choice

Will we still be the Country of choice and still be America if we continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries that came to live in America because it is the Country of Choice??????

Think about it!

All we have to say is, when will they do something about MY RIGHTS?

I celebrate Christmas………..but because it isn’t celebrated by everyone…………..we can no longer say Merry Christmas. Now it has to be Season’s Greetings.

It’s not Christmas vacation, it’s Winter Break. Isn’t it amazing how this winter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas holiday?

We’ve gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone, that I am now being offended. But it seems that no one has a problem with that.
This says it all!

This is an editorial written by an American citizen, published in a Tampa newspaper. He did quite a job; didn’t he? Read on, please!

IMMIGRANTS, NOT AMERICANS, MUST ADAPT.
I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge
in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However…… the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the “politically correct! ” crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.

I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to ! America.
Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants.
However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand. This idea of America being a
multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Americans…… we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language.
Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!

“In God We Trust” is our national motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan.. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women…….on Christian principles………….
founded this nation….. and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home………because God is part of our culture.

If Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don’t like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don’t care how you did things where you came from. This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so! But once you are done complaining……. whining…… and griping……. about our flag……. our pledge…… our national motto……..or our way of life….I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other Great American Freedom……

THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

It is Time for America to Speak up If you agree — pass this along; if you don’t agree — delete it!

AMEN

I figure if we all keep passing this to our friends (and enemies) it will also, sooner or later get back to the complainers, lets all try, please!

Posted by Freeple Eccojoy in: Forwards, Jokes on Saturday, Feb 16th, 2008 at 6:00pm GMT
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