Funny Forward Archive
Wine Drinkers
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and to those who don't.
As Ben Franklin said:
'In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.'
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we Drink one litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine, beer (or tequila, rum, Whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of sh*t.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
GEORGE CARLIN
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Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent…and so very appropriate.
A Message by George Carlin:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways
, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time who en you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete…
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don't send this to at least 8 people….Who cares?
George Carlin
These a__holes wouldn’t need luck if they stayed home!!!!!! Another good reason for birth control!!!
LuckyDayV.wmv LuckyDay.wmv LuckyDayII.wmv LuckyDayIII.wmv LuckyDayIV.wmv
To all my friends who in 2007 sent me best ‘wishes’, chain letters, ‘angel’ letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,
NONE OF THAT WORKED!
For 2008, could you please just send money, red wine, chocolate, or gasoline vouchers instead?
Thank you ;o)
To all my friends who in 2007 sent me best ‘wishes’, chain letters, ‘angel’ letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,
NONE OF THAT WORKED!
For 2008, could you please just send money, red wine, chocolate, or gasoline vouchers instead?
Thank you ;o)
SORE THROAT
__,_._,___
I am not sure about the last part… but test is good !!!
Test Your Eyes!!
I found them all.
Can you find the B (there are 2 B's)?
DON'T skip or your wish won't come true…
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRR
Once you've found the b
Find the 1
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIII1IIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Once you found the 1……….. …
Find the 6
9999999999999999999 999999999999999
9999999999999999999 999999999999999
9999999999999999999 999999999999999
9999999999999999999 999999999999999
9999999999999999999 999999999999999
9999999999999999999 999999999999999
9999699999999999999 999999999999999
9999999999999999999 999999999999999
9999999999999999999 999999999999999
9999999999999999999 999999999999999
9999999999999999999 999999999999999
9999999999999999999 999999999999999
once you've found the 6…
Find the N (it's hard!!)
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMNMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
once you've found the N…
Find the Q.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO
make 2 wishes!
>
>>
>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>
>
OK, NOW THAT YOU MADE A WISH, IT WILL COME TRUE…..
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS FORWARD TO 3 PEOPLE BUT IF YOU FORWARD TO MORE IT WILL HAPPEN SOONER
Cheers,
============ ========= ======
.
__,_._,___
POEM TO WARM YOUR HEART
A WOMAN'S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
The End
A perfect candidate for “Dancing with the Dopes”!!!!!!!
home_movies_howablondepoledances.wmv
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No , that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
______________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘I.’
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, bu t also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!
LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL’S MEDICINE!!
DIV { MARGIN: 0px }
Dime con quien andas, y te dire quien eres…
Vangelis
Χρησιμοποιείτε Yahoo!
Βαρεθήκατε τα ενοχλητικά μηνύ ματα (spam); Το Yahoo! Mail διαθέτει την καλύτερη δυνατή προστασία κατά των ενοχλητικών μηνυμάτων
http://login.yahoo..com/config/mail?.intl=gr
Las_mejores_fotos_del_2007 - 2008 - new’.pps
REAL FRIENDS
This is GOOD…I expect it back too!
I especially like the last sentence!!!!!!
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself
and doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your
'beer/Pepsi drawer' with her foot!
![[]](http://www.freeple.com/blog/wp-photos/20080606-081501-1.jpg)
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend shoulder is soggy from your tears..
![[]](http://www.freeple.com/blog/wp-photos/20080606-081502-11.jpg)
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first
names.
A real friend has their phone numbers
in his address book.
![[]](http://www.freeple.com/blog/wp-photos/20080606-081502-5.jpg)
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your
party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and
stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after
they've gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to
call.
![[]](http://www.freeple.com/blog/wp-photos/20080606-081502-9.jpg)
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your
problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
![[]](http://www.freeple.com/blog/wp-photos/20080606-081502-4.jpg)
A simple friend wonders about your romantic
history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it!
![[]](http://www.freeple.com/blog/wp-photos/20080606-081501-2.jpg)
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when
you have an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
![[]](http://www.freeple.com/blog/wp-photos/20080606-081502-13.jpg)
![[]](http://www.freeple.com/blog/wp-photos/20080606-081502-10.jpg)
A simple friend expects you to always be there for
them
A real friend expects to always be there for you!
![[]](http://www.freeple.com/blog/wp-photos/20080606-081502-12.jpg)
![[]](http://www.freeple.com/blog/wp-photos/20080606-081502-6.jpg)
Pass this on to anyone you care about…R 
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