Funny Forward Archive

THE STORM WILL PASS!

What a Photo!!!!!!!

THE STORM WILL PASS!

From Freeple Joe in: Forwards on Sun, Jul 29th, 2012 at 10:24pm
Be the First Freeple to Comment

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Loading ...

Office environment…

A great one for all the doggie lovers!!!!!!!

From Freeple Joe in: Forwards on Wed, Jul 25th, 2012 at 2:22pm
Be the First Freeple to Comment

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Loading ...

RUNNING NUDE Chuckle for your day

A woman was having a daytime

affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in

bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her

husband’s car pull into the driveway.

‘Oh my God

- Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My

husband’s home early!’

‘I can’t

jump out the window. It’s raining out there!’

‘If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!’ she

replied. ‘He’s got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the

least of your problems!’

So the

boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out

the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he

quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the

town’s annual marathon, so he started running along beside the

others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to

blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group

of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity,

jogged closer.

Do you

always run in the nude?’ one asked.

‘Oh yes!’ he replied, gasping in air. ‘It feels so wonderfully

free!’

Another

runner moved a long side. ‘Do you always run carrying your

clothes with you under your arm?’

‘Oh,

yes’ our friend answered breathlessly. ‘That way I can get

dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go

home!’

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, ‘Do

you always wear a condom when you run?’

‘Nope…just when it’s raining.’

From Freeple Joe in: Forwards on Sun, Jul 22nd, 2012 at 11:21am
Be the First Freeple to Comment

(No Ratings Yet)

Loading ...

Do YOU have a better email forward? Email it to forwards@freeple.com!

Helpful hints.

Did you know?

You can flip a toaster on its side and

grill cheese in it. – Source

Reynolds Wrap has lock in taps to hold the

roll in place – Source

The color on the bread tab indicates how

fresh the bread is – Source

And those colors are in alphabetical

order: b, g, r, w, y.

You can divide and store ground meat in a

zip loc bag. Just break off how much you need and keep the rest in the

freezer for later. So much easier than dividing and individually wrapping

each pound or half pound. – Source

If you place a wooden spoon over a pot of

boiling water, it won’t boil over. – Source

Marshmallows can cure a

sore throat. Perfect for kids who don’t like medicine. – Source

Stuffing a dryer sheet in your back pocket

will repel mosquitoes. – Source

You can freeze cupcake batter for later

use. - Source

You can paint upholstery. – Source

You can make your own laundry soap. – Source

You can dye plastic buttons. - Source

You can run a paper bag through your

printer. – Source

You can print directly onto fabric. – Source

A dry erase marker can be used on most

desk tops. – Source

You can mail anything that will take a

stamp and weighs less than 13ounces without a box? - Source

If you break your blender jar you can

replace it with a mason jar. – Source

Cereal canisters make the perfect trashcan

for your car. – Source

Medicine cabinets are NOT the safest place

for medicine – Source

Here are a few more.

Take

your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

Store

your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold! (But you can scrape

off any mold and still eat the

cheese without changes in flavor!

Peppers with 3 bumps

on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer

and stronger flavored.

Add

a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.

make scrambled eggs or omelets rich

add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in

and then beat them up.

Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you

want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if you

want a stronger taste of garlic.

Reheat

leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on

top of the stove, on med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust

crispy. No soggy micro pizza.

Easy

Deviled Eggs: Put cooked egg yolks

in a zip lock bag, seal, mash, add remainder of ingredients, keep mashing,

mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just

throw the bag away!

Expanding

Frosting: When you buy a

container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a

few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes

for the same price. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.

Reheating

refrigerated bread: To warm biscuits,

pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with

a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it

reheat faster.

Newspaper

weeds away: Plant your plants

in the ground; work the nutrients in your soil. Then wet newspapers, put

layers around the plants overlapping as you go, cover with mulch, and

forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will

not get through wet newspapers.

keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne

pepper. The cayenne pepper

doesn’t hurt the plant: squirrels won’t come near it.

Flexible

vacuum: To get something

out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or

empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in

narrow openings.

Pin

a small safety pin to the seam of your slip or slacks to eliminate static

cling. It works; you will

not have a clingy skirt or dress, or slacks when wearing panty hose; … Ta

DA! … Static is gone.

Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don’t dry cup. Next, add your

ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

De-fog

your windshield: Buy a chalkboard

eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car When the windows fog, rub

with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

Re-opening

envelopes: If you seal an

envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just

place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Voila! It

unseals easily. Only for old- fashioned ‘lick-type envelopes!

Use

your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It’s cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really

smooth.

Goodbye

Fruit Flies: To get rid of pesky

fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2′ with Apple Cider Vinegar

and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies

drawn to the cup and gone forever!

Get

Rid of Ants: Put small piles of

cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it ‘home,’ can’t digest it

so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it

works and you don’t have the worry about pets or small children being

harmed!

Drop a small object

on the carpet and can’t find it. Place panty hose over the end of the vacuum hose and start

vacuuming. The panty hose will keep it from getting sucked into the vacuum.

Need

to cut some corn off the cob. Use your Bundt pan. Place the ear on

the opening in the center of the pan, and as you slide the knife down the

ear, all the kernels will collect in the main part of the pan.