|
|
EVER WONDER WHAT TWO FEET OF SNOW LOOKS LIKE ?? WELL—- HERE IT IS—-
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading ...His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.
The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman’s sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. ‘I want to repay you,’ said the nobleman. ‘You saved my son’s life.’
‘No, I can’t accept payment for what I did,’ the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer’s own son came to the door of the family hovel.
‘Is that your son?’ the nobleman asked.
‘Yes,’ the farmer replied proudly.
‘I’ll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy If the lad is anything like his father, he’ll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.’
And that he did.
Farmer Fleming’s son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary’s Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.
Years afterward, the same nobleman’s son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.
What saved his life this time? Penicillin.
The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill .. His son’s name?
Sir Winston Churchill.
Someone once said: What goes around comes around.
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5) Loading ...A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego two days before Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.
(4 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5) Loading ...TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No , that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
______________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘I.’
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, bu t also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!
LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL’S MEDICINE!!
(4 votes, average: 2.75 out of 5) Loading ...
Card Wedding
You got to love this guy… This is a true story about a recent
wedding that took place at Clemson University . It was in the local newspaper and even
Jay Leno mentioned it.It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said he wanted to thank
everyone for coming, many from
long distances, to support them
at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank
his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.As a token of his deep appreciation
he said he wanted to give everyone
a special gift just from him.So taped to the bottom of
everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.He said this was his gift to
everyone, and asked them to
open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious
of them weeks earlier and had
hired a private detective to tail
them.After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions
for a couple of minutes, he
turned to the best man and
said, 'F—you!' Then he turned
to his bride and said, 'F— you!'Then he turned to the
dumbfounded crowd and said,
'I'm outta here.'He had the marriage annulled
first thing in the morning.While most people would have canceled the wedding
immediately after finding out
about the affair, this
guy goes through with the
charade, as if nothing were wrong.His revenge–making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a
300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the
bride's and best man's reputations
in front of 300 friends and family members.This guy has balls the size of
church bells.Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless'
commercial out of this?Elegant wedding reception
for 300 family members and
friends: $32,000.Wedding photographs commemorating the
Occasion: $3,000Deluxe two-week
honeymoon accommodations
in Maui : $8,500.The look on everyone's face
when they see the 8×10 glossy
of the bride humping the best
man: Priceless.There are some things money
can't buy, for everything else
there's MASTERCARD
A Mastercard Wedding
(1 votes, average: 1.00 out of 5) Loading ...Get Funny Forwards emailed to you!
Freeple.com values personal privacy. Your email address will not be shared with any other party.
Quickly and easily send this page to your friends, family and coworkers.
Freeple.com values personal privacy. Your email address will not be shared with any other party.
Would you rather use Gmail, Outlook, etc. to email your friends?
