Funny Forward Archive
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 lb. left testicle, 3 lb. right testicle, Turner Brown”.
The white guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says. “What’s wrong with you?”
In a weak voice the little guy asks, “What EXACTLY did you say to me?” The big dude says, “I saw your curious look and figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.
I’m 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 lbs., I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 lbs., my right testicle weighs 3 lbs., and my name is Turner Brown.
The small guy says, “Turner Brown?….Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, “Turn around”!
Â SAM & BESSIE
An elderly couple, Sam and Bessie, are “snowbirds” in south Texas. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home.
He proudly walks into the house and says to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”
Bessie looks him over, “Nope.”
Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?”
Bessie looks up and says, “Sam, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”
Furious, Sam yells, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE?
IT’S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!”
To which Bessie replies, “Shoulda bought a hat, Sam. Shoulda bought a hat.
Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, “You know, Mabel, I’ve been reading this Sex and Marriage book and all they talk about is ‘mutual orgasm.’
“‘Mutual orgasm’ here and ‘mutual orgasm’ there-that’s all they talk about. Tell Me Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have ‘mutual orgasm?’”
Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, “No, I think we had State Farm.”
Gas – The Answer!!
My mailbox is being flooded with mail concerning gas prices and illegal immigrants. To boycott oil companies or not; to provide amnesty to illegal immigrants or not, etc. Since I have become jaded to the various solutions proposed by the Republicans, Democrats, Sierra Club, ACLU, etc. I have elected to solve the problems as they affect me. It solves both my gas and illegal immigrant problems.
I have hired illegal immigrants to push my car. They’re plentiful and cheaper than buying gas
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!