Wine Drinkers
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and to those who don't.
As Ben Franklin said:
'In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.'
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we Drink one litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine, beer (or tequila, rum, Whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of sh*t.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
GEORGE CARLIN
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Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent…and so very appropriate.
A Message by George Carlin:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways
, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time who en you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete…
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don't send this to at least 8 people….Who cares?
George Carlin
These a__holes wouldn’t need luck if they stayed home!!!!!! Another good reason for birth control!!!
LuckyDayV.wmv LuckyDay.wmv LuckyDayII.wmv LuckyDayIII.wmv LuckyDayIV.wmv
POEM TO WARM YOUR HEART
A WOMAN'S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
The End
A perfect candidate for “Dancing with the Dopes”!!!!!!!
home_movies_howablondepoledances.wmv
Read before watching video: These people were always finding water all over their pool deck and furniture, every time they came home, after being away for a few hours. They thought the neighborhood kids were watching for them to leave, and using the pool. However, they could never catch them doing it. So, they set up their video cam and left. This is what they found out…(open the attachment)
HomeAlone.wmv
The question is, What does a 320 pound woman look like?
Now, before you scroll down to look at her pictures, get a mental image of what you think a woman who weighs 320 looks like….
Got it?
Ready?
Not exactly what you were expecting, is it??!!
The tallest and best proportioned woman in the world lives in
Holland .
She is 7'4' and weighs 320
What
a relief! Now we ALL know we aren't overweight; we're just too short!
Have A Great Day
A Love Story in Three Pictures
Ohhhhh man, these are some of the best!!!! Love the HOOTERS one!
Why the Yankees lost to the Red Sox.
Watch the girl behind the CATCHER as the pitcher throws the ball…
Watch it a second time if you don’t catch it! Pay attention to her left hand!!!
baseballflash.wmv
Pretty cool truck that we ordered for the guys in Iraq and they have been saving lives…. at least some of our tax dollars are going towards something good to protect the troops, regardless of where they are.
Pathfindertruck.pps
The $2 Bill. Everyone should start carrying them!
I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn’t know they exist.
STORY: On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.
Me: “Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go ”
Server: “That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?”
Me: “No, it’s to go.” At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.
Server: “Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.”
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:
Server: “Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?”
Manager: “No. A what?”
Server: “A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me.”
Manager: “Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.”
Server: “Yeah, thought so.”
He comes back to me and says, “We don’t take these. Do you have anything else?”
Me: “Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why?”
Server: “I don’t know.”
Me: “See here where it says legal tender?”
Server: “Yeah.”
Me: “So, why won’t you take it?”
Server: “Well, hang on a sec.”
He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to him, “He says I have to take it”
Manager: “Doesn’t he have anything else?”
Server: “Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change ”
Manager: “I’m not opening the safe with him in here.”
Server: “What should I do?”
Manager: “Tell him to come back later when he has real money.”
Server: “I can’t tell him that! You tell him.”
Manager: “Just tell him.”
Server: “No way! This is weird. I’m going in back.”
The manager approaches me and says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.”
Me: “It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.”
Manager: “We don’t take those, either.”
Me: “Why not?”
Manager: “I think you know why.”
Me: “No really, tell me why.”
Manager: “Please leave before I call mall security.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Manager: “Please leave before I call mall security”
Me: “What on earth for?”
Manager: “Please, sir.”
Me: “Uh, go ahead, call them.”
Manager: “Would you please just leave?”
Me: “No.”
Manager: “Fine — have it your way then.”
Me: “Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?”
At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy Comes ! in.
Guard: “Yeah, Mike, what’s up?”
Manager (whispering): “This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.”
Guard: “No kidding! What?”
Manager: “Get this .. A two dollar bill.”
Guard (incredulous): “Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?”
Manager: “I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.”
Guard: “Oh, so the fifty’s fake!”
Manager: “No, the two dollar bill is.”
Guard: “Why would he fake a two dollar bill?”
Manager: “I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?”
Guard: “Yeah.”
Security Guard walks over to me and……
Guard: “Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.”
Me: “Uh, no.”
Guard: “Lemme see ‘em.”
Me: “Why?”
Guard: “Do you want me to get the cops in here?”
At this point I am ready to say, “Sure, please!” but I want to eat, so I say “I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, “Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?”
Manager: “It’s fake.”
Guard: “It doesn’t look fake to me.”
Manager: “But it’s a two dollar bill.”
Guard: “Yeah?”
Manager: “Well, there’s no such thing, is there?”
The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too. Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the wrong group of people, I could probably end up in jail. And I might get free food there, too! Ha!
But the really scary thing is….those two probably voted this November!!!
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