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From
Threelady3:
Three nuns were attending a yankee baseball game.
Three men
were sitting directly behind them.
Because their habits were partially
blocking the view,
the men decided to badger the nuns,
hoping they’d get
annoyed enough to move to another area.
In a very loud voice, the first guy
said,
‘I think I’m going to move to Utah .
Tthere are only 100 nuns
living there.’
Then the second guy spoke up and said loudly,
‘Ii want to
move to Montana ..
there are only 5o nuns living there.’
The third guy
yelled,
‘i want to go to Idaho .
There are only 25 nuns living
there.’
The mother superior turned around,
looked at the men,
and in a
very sweet and calm voice said,
‘Why don’t you go to hell…there aren’t any
nuns there.
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A 10 pm curfew was imposed in Blondeville.
Everybody had
to be off the streets or risk being
put in jail. However one citizen was
arrested at
9.45 pm.
‘Why did you do that?’ the soldier was asked by
his
superior officer.
‘I know where he lives,’ he replied, ‘and he
wouldn’t
have made it.
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After the birth of my son, a woman from the
records
department stopped by my hospital
room to get information for his birth
certificate.
‘Father’s date of birth?’ she asked.
When I told her,
she said, ‘Do you realize that
his birthday is exactly nine months before
your
son’s birth?’
‘No, I hadn’t thought about it,’ I responded,
‘but
now that you mention it, I realize that I have a
daughter who turned
two a couple of days
before the same date.’
After she finished taking
down all the data, she
patted my hand and said, ‘Maybe you should
start
buying your husband a tie for his
birthday.’
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The banker had called the man in to talk about his
account. ‘Your financial affairs are in a mess. Your wife constantly overdraws
your account. She is behind in her charge accounts at the department store, and
her check stubs are all added wrong. Why don’t you talk to her about
it?’
‘Because,’ said the man, ‘I would rather argue with you than with
her.
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A Little Nostalgia!!!!!!!Happy New Year!!!!!!!
Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney
Michael Jackson, Francis Ford Coppola & George Lucas
The Beatles & Little Richard
Dean Martin, Shirley MacLaine & Elvis Presley
Elizabeth Taylor & Diana
Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi & Barrack Obama
This one’s my favorite!!!!!!!
If I answered
Santa’s Mail for him!!!!!!
Ho, Ho, Ho & Nappy
Headed Ho!!!!!!!
If Santa Answered His
Mail Honestly…..
Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool
toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I’v ben a gud boy
all yeer. Yer
Friend, Billy
Dear Billy,
Nice
spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawncare. How
about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I’m
giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can
spell.
Santa
*******************
**********************************
Dear Santa,
I have been a good
girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the
world for
everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents
smoked pot when they had you, didn’t
they?
Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I don’t know if
you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my mommy and daddy to
get back together. Please see what you can
do. Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad’s
banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you
think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who
rides his ass constantly? It’s time to give up that dream.
Let me send you some Legos
instead.
Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike,
a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a
tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their
kid ‘Francis’ nowadays? I bet you’re gay. I’ll
set you up with a
Barbie.
Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I left milk and
cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer
outside the back
door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits
and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the
sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
Scotch.
Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
What do you do the
other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys? Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are
made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of
my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to
know.
Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when
we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re awake, like in the
song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really
that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping
your house. Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I really want a
puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
PLEASE could I
have one? Love, Timmy
Dear Timmy,
That whiney
begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn’t work with
me. You’re getting a sweater
again.
Santa
****************************************************
Dearest Santa,
We don’t have a
chimney in our house. How do yo u get into our home?
Love, Marky
Dear Mark,
First stop
callling yourself ‘Marky’, that’s why you’re getting your ass
whipped at school. Second, you don’t live in a house, you live in
a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom
window.
Sweet dreams, Santa
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