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A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving.
The female officer tells the man,
“Sir,you have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say, can, and will be held against you.”
The drunk replies,”Tits”
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(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
Loading ...1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea I can’t hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I’d like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you was a tree & I were a Squirrel, I’d store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty’s only a light
switch away.
Man - “Fat Penguin!”
Woman - “WHAT?”
Man - “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”
9) I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
10) I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
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(1 votes, average: 3 out of 5) Loading ...FREE-FOR-NOW GPS TOOL
Just enter any cell phone number and
by linking GPS and cell tower info
it finds the location of that cellphone.
http://mobilebacktrack.com
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(1 votes, average: 2 out of 5) Loading ...A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
“Well, it was like this”, said the man.
“I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it–stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my big mistake.”
“What did you do?” asks the doctor.
“Well, I lifted the cow’s tail again and yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’… I don’t remember much after that.”
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(2 votes, average: 3 out of 5) Loading ...A trucker was driving his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill. Just as he was starting down the equally steep other side, he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center of the road, making wild and passionate love. In total disbelief, he blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. He realized that they were not going to stop or get out of his way, so he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.
Furious, he got out of the cab and walked to the front of the truck. He looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, “What’s the matter with you two? Didn’t you hear me blowing the horn? You could have been killed!”
Eventually, the man looked up at the truck driver, obviously satisfied and not too concerned and said, “Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes………”
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(1 votes, average: 3 out of 5) Loading .....1…Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
..2…Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is no money in the account?
..3…Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
..4…Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
..5…Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
..6…Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
..7…Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
..8…Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
..9…Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
..10..If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
..11..Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
..12..Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
..13..Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
..14..Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
..15..Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
..16..How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
..17..When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”
..18..Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
..19..In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
..20..How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
..21…And my FAVORITE……
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they’re okay, then it’s you.
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(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5) Loading ...20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He’s got great hands.
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(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5) Loading ...A Tennessee, mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen.
When she got home she asked her husband, “What is a specimen?”
He replied, “Danged if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She’s a nurse.”
The woman went next door and came back in about twenty minutes with her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face and body.
“What in the world happened?” asked her husband.
“Danged if I know,” she replies. “I asked Edith what a specimen was and she told me to go piss in a bottle.”?? I told her to go fart in a jug and then all hell broke loose.
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(1 votes, average: 3 out of 5) Loading ...A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” she asks.
“I’m having a heart attack,” cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, “Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she’s got no clothes on!”
The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband , and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.
“You rotten bitch,” she screams. “My husband’s having a heart attack, and you are running around naked scaring the kids!!
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(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...
