..1…Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
..2…Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is no money in the account?
..3…Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
..4…Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
..5…Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
..6…Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
..7…Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
..8…Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
..9…Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
..10..If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
..11..Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
..12..Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
..13..Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
..14..Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
..15..Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
..16..How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
..17..When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”
..18..Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
..19..In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
..20..How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
..21…And my FAVORITE……
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they’re okay, then it’s you.

From Freeple Wally in: Forwards on Sat, Jan 20th, 2007 at 10:43pm
Be the First Freeple to Comment

(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He’s got great hands.

From Freeple Wally in: Forwards on Sat, Jan 20th, 2007 at 7:35pm
1 Freeple Comment

(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

A Tennessee, mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen.

When she got home she asked her husband, “What is a specimen?”

He replied, “Danged if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She’s a nurse.”

The woman went next door and came back in about twenty minutes with her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face and body.

“What in the world happened?” asked her husband.

“Danged if I know,” she replies. “I asked Edith what a specimen was and she told me to go piss in a bottle.”?? I told her to go fart in a jug and then all hell broke loose.

 

From Freeple Wally in: Forwards, Jokes on Sat, Jan 20th, 2007 at 6:52pm
Be the First Freeple to Comment

(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” she asks.

“I’m having a heart attack,” cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, “Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she’s got no clothes on!”

The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband , and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.

“You rotten  bitch,” she screams. “My husband’s having a heart attack, and you are running around naked scaring the kids!!

From Freeple Wally in: Forwards, Jokes on Sat, Jan 20th, 2007 at 6:44pm
Be the First Freeple to Comment

(4 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...